current mood: angry
and life still sucks. Since my so called friends do not like negativity or complaining BIG TIME, I'm going to try the Sue Grafton technique; YOU KNOW:: "A" is for "apolpexy",etc.
It's been 9 months, give or take, and life is worse now than ever before. I recall 2 days last July when I felt hope. M
akes sleeping a non-exixtent experience.
If Polly the parrot tells me one more time how much better I am, I'll have to visit the Hemlock society website.
The only concern is my 5 year old "baby dog" who lost her sister to old age in August. I agrred to stay around for Cookie because I was sure no one else would understand her. She did her best to keep our deal. Poo could live with anyone, expecially since she'll have a trust fund.
All my so called friends and family AGGRAVATE the crap out of me; sometimes literally, sometimes figuratively.
Call me ungrateful, but when all you do is go out 3 or more times a week to medical appointments, the last person/people you want to see is company in your bedroom. Yes it's a "mitzvah" to visit the sick, but not very satisfying or soul/psychic nourishing. Everyone is great at making offers, and incapable of following through with them.
When you've lost control of your home for 2 years, having someone come in is more that mortyifyng. Additionally, while I am fully cognizant that everyone has their own life, listening to it becomes exhausting and reinforces the feelings I already have of worthlessness. NO I CAN"'T be happy for you. Sorry, I'm too busy feeling sorry for myself and saying goodbye to all my plans.
Can things get better? SURE, if someone else dies so I can possibly live for 8-10 years. YIPPEE Skippy. And for all you who are so busy being grateful you're still alive, Your standards and mine come from alternate universes.
SO THERE! Frak You!